Patterns….

Something that has been on my mind lately is patterns…..specifically ‘curl patterns’. A few weeks ago, I caught a glimpse of my first little coil. It was in the center of my head. I had just washed my hair and while squeezing excess water out with a tshirt (I don’t faithfully use a tshirt. More times than not I use a towel but I never rub) the little one caught my eye. It was a perfect little spring. Defined. Possible the diameter of a crochet needle maybe a tad bigger, it was hard to tell…..

I was sooo excited! I ran to my husband and demanded that he look at it. He said something to the effect of ‘Awww, that’s cute’ (more on him and my hair in another post). I didn’t think to take a picture of it at the time. Though I haven’t mastered the settings on my camera so it may have been for naught. Now when I wash my hair, I spend quite a bit of time searching for coils or anything else…..carefully hunting thru my forest-y new growth trying to detect any possible pattern.

Since then I’ve only spotted one other defined coil. I read an article somewhere that stated I wouldn’t know my true curl pattern until I cut the relaxed ends off. Of course I’m impatient. I ran across the term ‘curl envy’ and I’d say I’m a prime candidate. I admire other naturals’ curls and coils. Hoping that I may ‘luck’ up with a pattern so fun to play with….

Within the last day or two though, I’ve discovered that it’s possible to not have any curl definitio . There are some layers of myth and fantasy that are interweaved into the natural 'process' that trick some of us newbies that we can all bounce out the house with perfect little spirals and curls. At first, I was disappointed in this news, but quickly buoyed back up with the huge wealth of twist out tutorials on YouTube. It’s a rich resource for creating any curl pattern/definition you desire. So coils and curls are possible regardless of whether it grows that way or I create them myself. I've admired natural hair for several years and many of the natural heads that I saw weren't curly and coily. Many of them where simply unprocessed. Relaxer free.

Of course, this comes into the realm of accepting myself. I mean, if I’m chasing after another desired curl pattern, is that wholly accepting me as God made me? Or is that being creative with my hair? I’m not sure yet. I may not really understand my feelings and thoughts on this issue until my hair is 100% natural.

One of my favorite things to do these days is devouring Before and After Big Chop pics. I’m an exceedingly large fan of pics that include a picture for ‘Now’. I’m really into seeing that progression. What did it look like the day of? The next month? What does it look like now?

I really can see in these pictures that for a lot of women, the line I’ve read about how your hair ‘wont be the same 2 months from now, 6 months from now’, really rings true. I don’t think their patterns change so much as the length of the hair displays the pattern different. I’m sure product knowledge goes a ways in this respect as well…over time, many people find the products that work best for them to make their patterns pop. For those with no discernable pattern, they rock all kinds of awesome hairstyles. No curl pattern does not doom one to uncute hair.

I feel like a child at Christmas. Someone has bought me a gift. It’s a surprise and I can open it whenever I’m ready. The anticipation of seeing what’s inside is beginning to gnaw at me….on the other hand….the possibility of feeling initial disappointment tingles at the edges. I don’t want that. I don’t want my first meeting with my natural hair in 18 years to be…."Oh….you’re not what I wanted…not what I expected". That’s sad. It hurts my feelings now to think I may feel that way about my hair. But I also know that many naturals don’t love their hair right away….they come to love it, as they get to know it.

I just wonder which way it will go for me. Love at first sight….or a slow fall over time.

In the end, I want to love it. I want to embrace it. I want to be myself….as naturally blessed as God created me to be.